Choosing a life partner isn’t a vibe check!

It all started with a comment.

Someone left a sharp reply on my blog post about the movie review Hotspot. It didn’t feel like just an opinion but more like a personal rant wrapped in a review. It stayed in my mind. So, I replied him a few questions.

That moment reminded me that many people carry quiet anger about love, marriage, gender roles until something sets them off. Online or offline, we’re all triggered in different ways. I keep hearing different stories.

And honestly? I didn’t think I’d end up writing one of those “Here are my top 10 lessons” kind of posts. LOL. And yet here I am. (shamelessly laughing). But let me be clear: This post is not about blaming men or women. This space isn’t meant to dissect who’s right or wrong in every breakup, divorce, or murder case. I am not a dating coach.

Instead, I want to share some questions and tools that helped or still helping me find clarity about relationships. These won’t fit everyone so take what lands, and leave the rest.

Part 1: Self Awareness

Before choosing someone, check in with yourself!

1. Why do you want a partner?

Is it love, support, intimacy, shared goals or am I just tired of being alone?

2. What you want vs. what you cannot accept?

Life values, direction, energy, mental health, life goals and more

3. What’s flexible vs. non-negotiable/deal breakers?

Even one clear line helps. You don’t need a perfect map, just a starting point.

4. Define your own love script

Own definition of love, relationship, communications, values including family

5. Understand attachment styles

Are you anxious, avoidant, or secure?

6. Talk money

Income, spending habits, savings, attachment towards money.

7. Can you accept change in both of you?

People evolve. Not all growth is together. Others outgrow or grow away. Can you hold space for both love and loss if it comes to that?

Part 2: Family, Culture, and Social Setup

1. Understand the setup

Especially in India, marriage is rarely just two people. It’s families, expectations, caste, religion, unspoken hierarchies.

Real Talk

Clarity isn’t about getting everything perfect on day one. Because love is emotional. Messy. Sometimes magical. Life is fragile. But also partnership is daily. Shared decisions. Mental load. Money. Space.

Yeah, it’s a lot. Choosing a partner is like choosing a co-founder. If it works, you build something powerful. If it doesn’t, it drains you mentally, emotionally, even financially. And if you haven’t found that fit yet? There’s no shame in being a solopreneur right now. At the same time, don’t fall into decision paralysis. You’re not meant to have it all figured out.

And no. You don’t have to tick all boxes. Life isn’t a checklist. And if you’re in a worst-case setup where choices feel limited, create some leverage.

Above all, don’t lie to yourself.

This is not about judging what kind of relationship you’re in. It’s about asking yourself, Is this working for me or both of us? Whether it’s a casual story or a life partnership. Take what resonates and ignore the rest.

Bookmark this if you’re not ready to answer now. Some questions need time. Share with people who might fight this useful.

Cheers

PS: Thanks, Anirudh. This one’s not for casuals or breadcrumb blues.

Check out the previous post: Slow Art of Deep Connections!

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