Who Am I?

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I ask myself this quite enough at certain moments: Who am I?

Am I me when I’m fully conscious when my thoughts are crisp, my words clear, and I seem to be in control? Or am I more myself in the lonely hours, when no one’s watching and my mind wanders freely?

Am I me when I’m drunk, unfiltered, messy and chaotic real? Is that the truth of me, or just the part I usually hide?

Am I me when I’m polite and well behaved, putting on my best face for the world or society’s expectations? Or am I just performing, trying to match a version of myself I think will be accepted?

Am I me when I win when I reach the point I once only dreamed of? Or is that just a fleeting snapshot, wrapped in the glow of validation?

Maybe I’m most myself when I’m with nature, on mountains, barefoot in the grass, watching clouds drift with no urgency to prove or become. A creature just… being.

Or am I the me who lives in memories past pains, past joys, a collection of versions I’ve carried and quietly shed?

Or perhaps I’m the future self I chase in my mind, becoming someone I’m not yet sure I’ll ever reach.

Yesterday, I was listening to a podcast. I think Huberman Lab. They spoke about the certainty of mystery and the uncertainty of mystery.

Sometimes we find ourselves in this strange in between these two scenarios. The past still misery or even mysterious feels certain only because it’s already happened. The future can be equally mysterious or even misery and feels uncertain only because it hasn’t.

But both are just projections of time. We seems to change with each time frame.

The me at 7 a.m. isn’t the me at midnight. The me from two years ago isn’t the me today. Yet all of them are me. Aren’t they?

It’s strange, isn’t it? The self feels fluid. Not one thing. Not one moment. I am contradiction. I am the shift. I am the paradox. I am every me that has ever lived inside this skin.

Maybe the real question isn’t Who am I? Maybe it’s Which me do I choose to be today?

But, does the present moment define me? Is that enough? Who knows.

There is no answer until a time frame is involved. Who am I at 2 a.m.? Who am I now?

I believe there’s no definite answer to an infinite question like Who am I?

Cheers!

PS: இவரே நான் யாரு சொல்லுவான்னு கேப்பாராம் ஆனா கடைசி வரைக்கும் சொல்ல மாட்டாராம். lol! Thanks to Naan Yaar Song (Bloody Beggar)

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