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Finished reading Metamorphosis. At first, the book takes you to an imaginary world. So far, I’ve been reading non-fiction or self-help books, where the scenes are easier to imagine. This was different. I found myself trying to visualize the vermin as described in the book. I’m not sure how much it matches Kafka’s. No where near!

The first two chapters didn’t affect me much. It was interesting to see how people initially react when the breadwinner of the family turns into a vermin. But the third chapter hits you hard. It truly made me understand the meaning behind the title Metamorphosis.

Here’s what stood out to me:

• His struggles to accept the transformation: At first, he finds it hard to believe he has turned into a vermin. The physical appearance!
• Hiding from others: He avoids facing anyone and hides. By the end, he doesn’t even care. Swept off by the violin music.
• Losing his voice: He tries to speak at first but eventually loses even the thought of communicating.
• Family dynamics: Grete, his sister, cares for him. She tries feeding him different foods. But over time, even she gets tired of cleaning and feeding him.
• Adapting to darkness: He gets used to staying in the shadows.
• Pain changes: The pain is sharp at first but dulls over time.
• Family’s independence: The family, once dependent on Gregor, slowly learns to fend for themselves.
• Longing for connection: Despite everything, he craves human connection especially Grete.

While reading, I kept linking this book to The Courage to Be Disliked. I’m not entirely sure why. One is a novel, and the other is philosophical. Yet, both made me reflect on this: to feel alive and truly live, a person needs to feel useful to others

Now, if we consider Adlerian philosophy, it teaches us to find meaning by contributing to others without expecting recognition or validation. However, Gregor longed for connection. His value was lost, and complete isolation broke him. This shows how isolation can harm us psychologically.

While internal meaning is important, we are social beings at heart or by nature. The real challenge is finding balance. Feeling worthy on our own while staying meaningfully connected to others or to the community. Balance is one of the hardest things to do, extremes are always easier!

Books like Kafka’s Metamorphosis and The Courage to Be Disliked explore these intriguing ideas. They teach us that human value isn’t just about productivity or society’s expectations. It’s much deeper, multidimensional and complex. Hard to get a grasp of it!

That’s what I’m taking away from this book.

Cheers!

P.S. Nudge – Next reading!

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There was once a traveler called Sara (Iykyk) who carried two different maps in her backpack. One was old, crushed, torn and marked with lines. The other was new, still crisp but with soft edges.

When she was younger, she thought the map was everything. Each destination was a goal. Every mile was a success to her. She walked with a fixed pace, following the lines with no questions and arguments.

But maps do change right? Landscapes changed. And so did she.

As the years passed, she learned that paths are not always straight. The journey itself had its own stories. The stones underfoot, the unexpected turns, and moments of doubt became more evident and important than any destination.

She also learned that companionship changes the journey.

Some people she met were like strict compasses. They always pointed north and didn’t understand if the path shifted. They measured progress by their own rules. They judged, instead of encouraging and hindered the path (Kulla nari).

Other companions were different (Buji). They walked beside her. Sometimes their steps matched, sometimes they didn’t. When the journey got hard, they helped to carry the weight.

When new things came along, they looked with curiosity and not criticism. They didn’t just see the path their way and they were open to seeing it through others’ eyes.

She understood that the journey is about moving forward and not being perfect. It’s about all growth. Their presence invited her to explore, not to follow a set direction.

In these moments, sometimes it was quiet. Sometimes full of conversation, she realized that a journey isn’t about how far you go. It’s about how much you understand and make it meaningful.

The destination once important, now not mattered. The journey was and with the right company. The journey could become something shared something richer and beautiful said Dora. Who knows, in five years, Dora might say something else!

Cheers!

P.S. Couldn’t use Original pic ! (CRs)

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Today, while clearing out my inbox, I used keyboard shortcuts to sift through unread emails quickly. I skimmed each one, moving important messages to labeled folders (love to give colors), archiving those that weren’t, and moving to the next.

In the middle of this routine, I came across a quote in Morgan Housel’s Collab Fund newsletter that grabbed my attention. It was titled A Message from the Past. Curiosity got the best of me, so I opened it, but since I was in a rush, I only read the first few lines before closing it and returned to my inbox to cleanup.

However, the quote kept echoing in my mind:

The past is more uncertain than the future!

It was written by Russian poet Yevgeny Yevtushenko, tho I wasn’t sure. We often think of the future as unpredictable, full of surprises, and hear advice like “Don’t live in the future! Future is unpredictable! You never know what’s going to happen.” This quote seemed to suggest the opposite, leaving me a bit confused.

Eventually, I went back to the email again and read it in full, as well as a few others, and found the idea fascinating. I could really relate to it. Every time I think about my past right from childhood moments to events as recent as yesterday, I notice my understanding of these events shifts.

Let’s say something happened in 2006, my version of it in 2012, 2018, 2020, and now would each be different. It is actually. With my experiences, understanding and perspectives over a period of time, and when I look back, it’s like seeing things with a new lens.

That’s why, in a way, the past does feel uncertain pola!

What are your thoughts?

Cheers

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I’ve been preoccupied with both work and thoughts, which kept me from writing. Apologies. But one idea has been running through my mind for the past week: expectation. It’s a small word, yet it carries a huge weight.

Recently, I’ve been reading about some fascinating concepts—terms like separation of tasks, vertical and horizontal relationships, self-acceptance, and confidence in others. I haven’t finished that book yet. I don’t want to dive deep into these theories right now, but one particular idea stood out to me: separation of tasks.

This idea revolves around the notion that whatever you need to do in life is your responsibility, and no one else can do it for you. Sure, people can assist you, encourage, or guide you, but at the end of the day, the task is yours alone. Everyone has their life tasks. It’s up to you to complete it. Philosophers often say that life moves forward without expectations, that humans merely exist, and we shouldn’t burden ourselves with the expectations of others. But, let’s be honest, expectations are everywhere.

Parents have expectations of their children. Teachers have them for their students. Bosses expect results from employees, and partners expect support or time from each other. These expectations could be about something material, about effort, or simply about showing up when needed. No one escapes them.

What really got me thinking was how this separation of tasks could change the way we handle expectations. The idea is that when you focus on your own tasks and trust others to handle theirs, the weight of expectations could reduce to an extent. You aren’t constantly worrying about meeting someone else’s expectations, and you’re not trying to do someone else’s job either. It frees you, in a way or the other.

But here’s the catch—this only works if you can accept yourself as you are, do what’s expected of you, and trust others to handle their own lives. That means having confidence in others and in you. It sounds simple, but how many of us actually trust ourselves and others that they will do theirs without stepping in to “help” or manage?

I find this concept interesting. But is it realistic? I’m not sure if I can fully follow this approach completely, but it’s definitely something I want to reflect on more. Maybe the key to handling expectations lies in accepting yourself, doing your own part, and trusting that others will do theirs. Hope! But it did sounds weird when someone says, I have no expectations! Lol. I need to reflect!

Cheers

PS: Not sure, if this post makes sense

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I’ve been reading a book for over a month now, but I still haven’t finished it. Maybe it’s because there’s a lot to absorb. There are many interesting chapters, but one thing that stayed with me is this. Don’t praise or rebuke, just focus on encouragement.

The book is called The Courage to Be Disliked, and it’s written by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. It’s a conversation between a young man and a philosopher, discussing Adlerian philosophy. There are many thought-provoking ideas, but the chapter “To live in earnest in the here and now” was especially hard to understand and accept. I’m still trying to adjust to it.

The philosopher says we shouldn’t praise or rebuke others. The young man argues that praise gives us confidence to face challenges, even life tasks. But the philosopher explains that praise is based on someone’s idea of what’s good or bad. When someone praises you as “good,” it means you’re being measured by their standards, which limits your freedom.

If receiving praise is what one is after, one will have no choice but to adapt to that person’s yardstick and put the brakes on one’s own freedom.

The idea here is that praise can manipulate people into fitting into a vertical hierarchy in relationships. An example given is how parents praise their children for good behavior. Now, think of this “good girl syndrome.” We are adjust ourselves to get the tag or label of good girl. The authenticity is lost/limited. Then it all made sense to me, but I’m still unsure if all praise leads to a hierarchy or if it’s always manipulative. These thoughts keep spinning in my mind. Yet, it gives a kind of awareness that it could be manipulative too.

The book could have explained more about why not rebuke and it isn’t stressed, but it does suggest an alternative to praising, “Encouragement”. At first, it might seem confusing, but the more you think about it, the clearer it becomes.

Maybe to avoid this, we could use a simple trick. When someone praises us, just say எல்லா புகழும் இறைவன் ஒருவனுக்கே (All praise belongs to God alone)! and move on. And when rebuked, we can simply say, Let me think about it, and move on. This reminds me of This too shall pass story But never let yourself fall!

Cheers

Check out the previous post: Expectations

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Almost everything we buy has a price and an expiry date. For some products, we know the exact expiry date. For others, we can only guess when they might expire.

In agriculture, we classify products into two categories: perishable and non-perishable commodities.

Perishable commodities are those that spoil quickly. These include items like milk, fruits, and vegetables. For example, milk usually expires within a day or two. You need to consume it fast or it goes bad.

On the other hand, non-perishable commodities last much longer. Items like rice, flour, and beans can stay good for months or even years if stored properly. However, even non-perishable items can expire quickly when we change their form. Take rice as an example. Raw rice can last for years, but once it’s cooked, it must be eaten within a day or two.

You might question me with things like diamonds or rocks?

While they don’t have a typical “expiry date,” they still change over time. Diamonds are incredibly durable but can chip or crack under certain conditions. Rocks, too, last for millions of years but eventually erode due to natural processes called weathering and they transform into soil. Everything experiences transformation, even if it takes centuries.

This idea of expiry applies to almost all aspects of life.

Cheers

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This is a follow-up to my earlier post. Please read that one first for better understanding.

There was a debate on Neeya Nana, a Tamil TV show, about homemakers vs. working women. The show was filled with women and two men. The educated working women group argued that having a job gives financial independence, spreading knowledge, and promoting inclusivity. On the other side, the educated homemakers emphasized the importance of parenting, home maintenance, personal time, and providing healthy food for the family.

Women have the choice to work or stay at home, but some are privileged while others are oppressed. Here are some key points from the show:

• Men doesn’t have a choice of staying at home
• Raising children is harder without a joint family.
• Balancing work with family health and values is tough.
• Mothers feel pressured to raise children while men remain the providers.
• Society expects women to be the “perfect” mother.
• Sons who grow up with a homemaker mother might expect the same from their wives.
• Some women may idolize homemakers and stop prioritizing education and work.
• Correction on the taboo around periods. Women should rest during their menstrual cycle if they choose, not be forced. Too much of conditioning on women
• The working set up/ companies doesn’t offer enough space to look after the kids.

However, the show missed addressing some issues

• Domestic violence and oppression when women stay at home.
• Emotional manipulation and undermining women’s intelligence.
• The importance of working if the husband passes away.
• The ability to leave a marriage in case of abuse.
• Some women don’t have the choice between homemaking and working.
• Work as escapism to certain people
• It shouldn’t cause conflict over the choices they make
• The involvement of men in all these issues addressed was missing.

Apart from that, two men supported and sat on the working women side, but I’m not sure what they said. It wasn’t telecasted either. Both sides in the debate justified and projected their choices, but none mentioned the struggles women (as collective) face either way.

In my previous post, I spoked about how women are vital to the economy. Developed nations have more women in the workforce, with better daycare and healthcare systems compared to ours. It helps to simplify their role and responsibilities. However, women here, are often ones who face criticism if something goes wrong with their children/family.

While we discuss gender issues and increasing women’s participation in various sectors, real changes are needed at the grassroots level—from both men and women. In the end, real progress for women will only come when we stop framing their choices as right or wrong and start addressing the deeper struggles they face—at home, at work, and in society. True equality begins when both men and women share the responsibility for change. It is available in Disney. Give it a try.

Cheers

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What a beautiful phrase, right? I started using it after hearing it from a psychologist I admire. He is like mentor to me and his advice has had a big impact on me. He doesn’t know me BTW. You never know who might influence your life. Check out his YouTube channel if you’re interested!

It is kind of trick that help me handle relationships. So, what does “benefit of the doubt” mean? It’s about giving someone a chance when you’re unsure if they’re being truthful. It doesn’t mean you should trust them completely, but you’re willing to give them the benefit of the doubt at first. If they keep showing the same behavior or patterns, that’s when you talk to them or set boundaries.

Sometimes, when you give someone the benefit of the doubt, they might surprise you and change for the better. And if not, at least you’ll know where you stand.

Cheers

Happy Week ahead!

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