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I’ve been reading a book for over a month now, but I still haven’t finished it. Maybe it’s because there’s a lot to absorb. There are many interesting chapters, but one thing that stayed with me is this. Don’t praise or rebuke, just focus on encouragement.

The book is called The Courage to Be Disliked, and it’s written by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. It’s a conversation between a young man and a philosopher, discussing Adlerian philosophy. There are many thought-provoking ideas, but the chapter “To live in earnest in the here and now” was especially hard to understand and accept. I’m still trying to adjust to it.

The philosopher says we shouldn’t praise or rebuke others. The young man argues that praise gives us confidence to face challenges, even life tasks. But the philosopher explains that praise is based on someone’s idea of what’s good or bad. When someone praises you as “good,” it means you’re being measured by their standards, which limits your freedom.

If receiving praise is what one is after, one will have no choice but to adapt to that person’s yardstick and put the brakes on one’s own freedom.

The idea here is that praise can manipulate people into fitting into a vertical hierarchy in relationships. An example given is how parents praise their children for good behavior. Now, think of this “good girl syndrome.” We are adjust ourselves to get the tag or label of good girl. The authenticity is lost/limited. Then it all made sense to me, but I’m still unsure if all praise leads to a hierarchy or if it’s always manipulative. These thoughts keep spinning in my mind. Yet, it gives a kind of awareness that it could be manipulative too.

The book could have explained more about why not rebuke and it isn’t stressed, but it does suggest an alternative to praising, “Encouragement”. At first, it might seem confusing, but the more you think about it, the clearer it becomes.

Maybe to avoid this, we could use a simple trick. When someone praises us, just say எல்லா புகழும் இறைவன் ஒருவனுக்கே (All praise belongs to God alone)! and move on. And when rebuked, we can simply say, Let me think about it, and move on. This reminds me of This too shall pass story But never let yourself fall!

Cheers

Check out the previous post: Expectations

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Almost everything we buy has a price and an expiry date. For some products, we know the exact expiry date. For others, we can only guess when they might expire.

In agriculture, we classify products into two categories: perishable and non-perishable commodities.

Perishable commodities are those that spoil quickly. These include items like milk, fruits, and vegetables. For example, milk usually expires within a day or two. You need to consume it fast or it goes bad.

On the other hand, non-perishable commodities last much longer. Items like rice, flour, and beans can stay good for months or even years if stored properly. However, even non-perishable items can expire quickly when we change their form. Take rice as an example. Raw rice can last for years, but once it’s cooked, it must be eaten within a day or two.

You might question me with things like diamonds or rocks?

While they don’t have a typical “expiry date,” they still change over time. Diamonds are incredibly durable but can chip or crack under certain conditions. Rocks, too, last for millions of years but eventually erode due to natural processes called weathering and they transform into soil. Everything experiences transformation, even if it takes centuries.

This idea of expiry applies to almost all aspects of life.

Cheers

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This is a follow-up to my earlier post. Please read that one first for better understanding.

There was a debate on Neeya Nana, a Tamil TV show, about homemakers vs. working women. The show was filled with women and two men. The educated working women group argued that having a job gives financial independence, spreading knowledge, and promoting inclusivity. On the other side, the educated homemakers emphasized the importance of parenting, home maintenance, personal time, and providing healthy food for the family.

Women have the choice to work or stay at home, but some are privileged while others are oppressed. Here are some key points from the show:

• Men doesn’t have a choice of staying at home
• Raising children is harder without a joint family.
• Balancing work with family health and values is tough.
• Mothers feel pressured to raise children while men remain the providers.
• Society expects women to be the “perfect” mother.
• Sons who grow up with a homemaker mother might expect the same from their wives.
• Some women may idolize homemakers and stop prioritizing education and work.
• Correction on the taboo around periods. Women should rest during their menstrual cycle if they choose, not be forced. Too much of conditioning on women
• The working set up/ companies doesn’t offer enough space to look after the kids.

However, the show missed addressing some issues

• Domestic violence and oppression when women stay at home.
• Emotional manipulation and undermining women’s intelligence.
• The importance of working if the husband passes away.
• The ability to leave a marriage in case of abuse.
• Some women don’t have the choice between homemaking and working.
• Work as escapism to certain people
• It shouldn’t cause conflict over the choices they make
• The involvement of men in all these issues addressed was missing.

Apart from that, two men supported and sat on the working women side, but I’m not sure what they said. It wasn’t telecasted either. Both sides in the debate justified and projected their choices, but none mentioned the struggles women (as collective) face either way.

In my previous post, I spoked about how women are vital to the economy. Developed nations have more women in the workforce, with better daycare and healthcare systems compared to ours. It helps to simplify their role and responsibilities. However, women here, are often ones who face criticism if something goes wrong with their children/family.

While we discuss gender issues and increasing women’s participation in various sectors, real changes are needed at the grassroots level—from both men and women. In the end, real progress for women will only come when we stop framing their choices as right or wrong and start addressing the deeper struggles they face—at home, at work, and in society. True equality begins when both men and women share the responsibility for change. It is available in Disney. Give it a try.

Cheers

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What a beautiful phrase, right? I started using it after hearing it from a psychologist I admire. He is like mentor to me and his advice has had a big impact on me. He doesn’t know me BTW. You never know who might influence your life. Check out his YouTube channel if you’re interested!

It is kind of trick that help me handle relationships. So, what does “benefit of the doubt” mean? It’s about giving someone a chance when you’re unsure if they’re being truthful. It doesn’t mean you should trust them completely, but you’re willing to give them the benefit of the doubt at first. If they keep showing the same behavior or patterns, that’s when you talk to them or set boundaries.

Sometimes, when you give someone the benefit of the doubt, they might surprise you and change for the better. And if not, at least you’ll know where you stand.

Cheers

Happy Week ahead!

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I came across this beautiful rhyme which was published in the year 1875. I couldn’t find the author but it gained the popularity later the 19th century during the world war. Some sources say as Parrot magazine and some as The Oxford Dictionary of Nursery Rhymes by Iona and Peter Opie. While we don’t know exactly where it came from, the owl has always been a symbol of wisdom in many cultures. This is been known when John D. Rockefeller quoted this one.

Let me quote all the versions that I have

#Version 1

There was an owl liv'd in an oak
The more he heard, the less he spoke
The less he spoke, the more he heard.
O, if men were all like that wise bird

#Version 2

A wise old owl lived in an oak,
The more he saw, the less he spoke
The less he spoke, the more he heard,
Now, wasn't he a wise old bird?

#Version 3

A wise old owl lived in an oak,
The more he saw, the less he spoke;
The less he spoke, the more he heard;
Why can't we all be like that wise old bird?

Irrespective of versions, they convey the same meaning.

As the owl observes the world around him, he chose to speak less.

By speaking less, the owl was able to listen more carefully and take in more information. The more we understand, there is less need for speaking or offering opinions.

But, the wisdom comes from choosing the choice to observe and listen rather than speaking. Even, in the case of last version, a questioned is raised. Why don’t reflect on us and choose to listen than to speak.

In our busy world, where everyone has strong opinions, this old rhyme’s message is more important than ever. It teaches us that we often understand things better by watching and listening carefully, rather than by talking all the time.

Try this next time, you might be amazed at how much you learn by listening more and speaking less.

Cheers

Happy Weekend ahead!

PS: You can replace listen with read and speak with write.

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Recently, I found myself confused about a tricky question. Should we separate the art from the artist? Do we need to think about an artist’s personal life or just enjoy their work without worrying about where it came from? or just celebrate things as it is?

Art, be it music, painting, a book, a song, a poem or a movie has a big impact on us. They bring a drastic changes in us and make us feel emotionally strong. With the rise of technology, we see many artists are famous for their talent and creativity.

But the question is, when we find out that some of the artists have done bad things in their personal lives, then how do we feel about their work? Does it change the lens or still the same?

I read mixed suggestions across the platforms. Some people believe that art should be viewed as art separately from the artist. We can enjoy and appreciate the art without supporting the behavior or the beliefs of the artist. I don’t want quote an example. Someone would’ve popped in your mind while reading this

On the other hand, people think that we should the artist’s personal life when we look at their work. Since art often reflects the artist’s thoughts and feelings and knowing more about them can help us understand their work better. Also, if we celebrate their art, then does it mean we are okay with their actions? Are we also supporting the artist’s bad behavior? Can we still watch movies who has hurt others? or Is it okay to listen to music by an artist who has been abusive?

I feel like there isn’t a simple answer to these questions. Maybe, it is too subjective to decide and to figure out what feels right for you whether to support or not.

I am not sure whether I have arrived at a conclusion. I am just trying to find a balance. It is hard to ignore a good piece of art but it is also important to recognize those mistakes. We can try to understand the whole picture, seeing the good in art and acknowledging the bad in the artist.

In the end, it is a personal choice whether we continue to celebrate the art, or the artist or find a middle ground. This process of thinking and questioning helps us to reevaluate our values and experience the art richer.

What’s your thoughts? Let me know in the comments!

Cheers

PS: Gemini created this image!

Happy Weekend, Check out related posts : Subjective vs. Objective Art, Why art always finds its way back?

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There’s a debate show in Tamil called Neeya Naana, which has been running for over a decade. It features discussions on trending and controversial topics, with people invited to share their perspectives. The show airs on Sundays. Yesterday’s episode focused on supporters of South Korean culture and those against it. Many people sent me the promos because I’m a fan of Kdramas and their storylines. This blog won’t be a justification as a fan but rather an unbiased look at both sides of the argument.

Hayllu is also known as Korean wave, referring to the global popularity and spread of South Korean culture. This was coined by Chinese media in the late 1990s to describe the popularity of Korean entertainment.

With the spread of technology, South Korean culture has reached far and wide, with K-Pop and dramas being the most prominent. These forms of entertainment transport us to a fantasy world, thanks to the talented writers. The visuals, themes, and plots are clean and appealing, and the characters are well developed with empathy, loyalty, grace and resilience. Otherwise, it’s too violent and blood shedding. These traits are portrayed well.

Most dramas require 12-16 hours to watch, and while movies are also popular, dramas have a broader reach. They are time consuming yet it keeps you hooked.

Apart from that, language, gestures, colors, fashion, food, skin care and tourism has gained popularity. This wave of popularity isn’t limited to India; it extends across Southeast Asian countries, possibly due to cultural similarities.

There is a historical account of a Tamil princess who married a Korean king, highlighting the cultural connections between the regions. We share similarities in language, sweets and savories, and various functions and festivals. However, there is still debate on whether the princess was from North or South India. I am not sure either.

K-Pop has reached everywhere, attracting the audiences worldwide. The struggles faced by the artists are often highlighted, drawing people in. Their songs focus on themes of self-love, improvement, dreams, and passion, centering around personal growth. These songs are also very sooth.

However, there’s much more to Korean literature that hasn’t yet been fully explored or showcased on the internet. If you watch some non-romantic comedies or dramas, you’ll realize there’s a wealth of content yet to be translated. For instance, there’s a Kdrama called “Midnight Romance in Hagwon,” which revolves around a tutor in a coaching center (though I still don’t understand why it’s named that). In the series, one of the Korean teachers teaches a poem written during the Japanese colonial period.

The poem is about a baby left at home after the parents leave for work. The baby eats chilies and chives and gasps for breath. On the surface, this seems straightforward, but the author uses this scenario to illustrate how children mimic the actions of their elders. The baby eating chilies and chives represents the act of smoking and the subsequent gasps for breath.

I tried searching across various browsers and AI models but couldn’t find any accurate translations or representations. The issue is that none of them depict the actual picture. Some dramas do portray these situations very clearly, and they can be stressful and haunting for weeks. For example, “Silenced“, “Unlocked,” “Sky Castle,” “The World of the Married,” “My Liberation Notes,” “My Mister,” and “Misaeng” vividly illustrate the hierarchy (a major issue in the workplace), patriarchy, discrimination between the rich and poor, education system and beauty standards. There are also documentaries on trafficking that shed light on these serious issues.

I’m not sure if everyone is aware of the 4B movement in South Korea. It’s a protest against patriarchy, where women are choosing not to get married and rising living costs. Check out my post on FOHO for more details. Along with that, the fertility rate in Korea is drastically decreasing.

I’m not for or against South Korean dramas. Everything comes with its own flaws. The fictional men in these shows are often very attractive. Of course, Its my escape mechanism. But it’s important to know the difference between fiction and real life. While I enjoy these dramas, I’m also interested in reading Korean books. I think they might give me a better understanding of Korean culture. I hope, they translate it soon.

As South Korean media continues to explore these themes, it offers both entertainment and a critical lens on the realities faced by many. This cultural phenomenon not only resonates with audiences worldwide but also prompts important conversations about social change and individual empowerment.

Cheers

PS: Views are personal and subjective.

Please do comment your fav movie/shows

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I haven’t read any related to sustainability lately. Then, I remember a local incident, which can be worth sharing. Disclaimer: This story isn’t about praising any religion or deity. Please do read this from a scientific and environmental perspective/lens rather than a religious one.

I live in a suburban and there is a village near by. There was a dead end road. Obviously, it becomes the unofficial spot for dumping the waste. Imagine the dead end like T shaped intersection, with trash been thrown at point where the two lines meet.

The local people, tried various methods to clean this mess. They started with a polite warning in Tamil asking people not to litter any further. Nothing happened. Then, they wrote harsh warnings even with some curse words. They failed yet. This made reduced the littering but the issue remained.

So, they finally pooled their money and built a small temple at the intersection. Surprisingly, this action transformed the area so clean. This made me reflect on the power of conditioning. Presence of temple created a sense of discipline and respect where the previous methods fails to achieve.

I wonder, if we were to conditioned in the similar way on waste management as well. Like knowing to separate the biodegradable, non degradable, single use plastics and more into the respective bins.

I often think of a scene from Young Sheldon, where he (Sheldon) explains to his mother how gravity and electromagnetic force are working precisely so that the earth and the universe are not collapse. Just like a person (GOD) has a remote to control everything. I don’t want to go into the topic of God. We may not have the answers on the existence of god also, yet find value in the lessons and disciplines these beliefs they bring in.

The principles of respect and discipline existed for centuries. It find it intriguing how deeply ingrained practices, results in cleaner environment. When it is only for good for the people and surrounding not the other the around. But, the plastics are modern invention right? May be, we need modern solutions combined with these to bring better results.

Cheers

Happy Week ahead!

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As the days pass, one thing I remember from that writing is journey. It not only transforms the way we write but also the world around us.

At first, when I started writing, I made sure that the words were simple, understandable, and concise. I realized that was the secret to writing. And this works really well when you are writing about many contexts, particularly explaining scientific concepts, discussing climate change, agriculture, analyzing economic theories, and many more. Simple words would effectively communicate the content and reach the audience. We strive to break down intricate ideas into readable chunks. Picking straightforward words to ensure our concept reaches a broad audience.

However, when it comes to poetry, simplicity alone doesn’t help. If this resonates with you, let me know! I am not here to brag, yet even in order to write more poems, the words that provoke emotions are needed. The task here is not merely to inform but to evoke emotions. To create vivid imagery and transport the readers into a different state of mind.

For doing such a thing, simple words aren’t enough, I believe. There is a need for metaphors, smileys, rhythm, and more. Let’s say a girl is sad. This is straight to the point, and it conveys the facts. Doesn’t it connect to the reader? The answer will be no! This doesn’t convey the full spectrum of emotions that a girl is experiencing. Her agony weighed her down to ashes, which seems very connectable. This allows the readers to experience the emotions rather than knowing the existence alone.

The poet’s eye, in fine frenzy rolling, doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven. – William Shakespeare

As our writing evolves, so too does our vocabulary. We begin to seek out words that capture the precise shade of meaning we wish to convey. For example, take the word “Kalopsia.” It refers to the delusion of seeing things as more beautiful than they are. Certain words help to convey the whole picture in a single word. Another word is crimson for sunset instead of red.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. – Mark Twain

Finding the right word isn’t easy. As we struggle to find the perfect words to express our thoughts and feelings, we often learn new insights about ourselves and the world around us.

As one writes more, the perception sharpens. The variations in emotions become more noticeable. The shades of meaning in words become clearer. The impact of rhythm and structure becomes more significant. Sometimes, not following any of the rules also works well.

In the words of Charles Bukowski

Without literature, life is hell

Literature transforms the mundane into the extraordinary. It gives voice to our innermost thoughts and emotions. This even creates a bridge between writer and reader.

The blank page becomes a mirror. It reflects not only our ideas but also our perceptions, biases, and hidden truths. Through this process of introspection and expression, we grow not just as writers but as individuals.

I write to discover what I know – Flannery O’Connor

Cheers, Here, some of my Scribblings

Happy Writing!

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I got the book “The Midnight Library” from a YouTube channel called The Book Show. This book is perfect for people with many regrets, who feel like they made wrong decisions, and feel useless. It tells the story of Nora Seed, a philosophy graduate in her 30s, who decides to end her life. She has lost her job, her cat died, she isn’t on good terms with her brother, she’s waiting for a friend’s reply, she gave up on music, and even her neighbor doesn’t want her around.

Instead of dying, Nora ends up in a library between life and death. This library has infinite books, each showing a different choice she could have made.  She living in a multiverse with multiple life. Mrs. Elm, her childhood librarian who was kind to her, is there to guide her. Nora has a book full of regrets, and as she explores different lives, her regrets lessen.

At first, she wishes to live with her ex-boyfriend, but he turns out to be mean. She wishes to live with her friend, but her friend died in a car accident. She tries being a pop star but feels lonely, then an Olympic swimmer but loses her mother, and even a glaciologist and a winemaker, among many others. Each life has something missing. Whenever she feels unsatisfied, she returns to the library.

Eventually, she realizes there is no perfect life. In one life, she likes being married to Ash and having a kid named Molly, with her friends alive, though her parents aren’t. Everything seems fine until she finds Mrs. Elm has died in that life. This creates a void feeling. This is a prefect life as she says. But she returns to the library. The library starts burning, and she escapes by writing on a blank page that she wants to live, saying, “I am alive.” She returns to her old life, realizing there is no perfect life, and learns to appreciate her decisions.

The story ends with her playing chess with Mrs. Elm, not knowing what her next move will be. The story might seem predictable at first, but the author’s imaginative nature keeps us hooked until the last page. It reminded me of Thoreau, and I might read his books later on. Here are some verses or lines I liked from the book.

Loneliness was a fundamental part of being a human in an essentially meaningless universe.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.

Doing one thing differently is often the same as doing everything differently.

Maybe in some lives you just float around and expect nothing else and don’t even try to change. Maybe that was most lives.

Never underestimate the big importance of small things.

If you aim to be something you are not, you will always fail. Aim to be you. Aim to look and act and think like you. Aim to be the truest version of you.
 
Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty. The obedient must be slaves.

Life isn’t simply made of the things we do, but the things we don’t do too.

Other lives that would have been different if you’d taken different directions earlier in your life. This is a tree of life.

Life is full of strange phenomena.

I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.

Human beings were wired to know only a hundred and fifty people, as that was the average size of hunter-gatherer communities.

Maybe it was important enough to aim to do something good. To help preserve life, in all its forms.

Sometimes just to say your own truth out loud is enough to find others like you.

I would think that the human brain can’t handle the complexity of an open quantum wave function and so it organizes or translates this complexity into something.

Everything humans see is a simplification. Minds can’t see what they can’t handle.

You are only limited by your imagination.

All good things are wild and free.

She had a fire inside her. She wondered if the fire was to warm her or destroy her. Then she realised. A fire had no motive. Only she could have that. The power was hers.

All the excellent outcomes were the result of ‘the wise choice of many alternatives.

You don’t have to understand life. You just have to live it.’ Nora shook her head. It is was a bit too much for a Philosophy graduate to take.

It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.

you could be as honest as possible in life, but people only see the truth if it is close enough to their reality.

Every life contains many millions of decisions. Some big, some small. But every time one decision is taken over another, the outcomes differ. An irreversible variation occurs, which in turn leads to further variations.

Want is an interesting word. It means lack. 

We don’t have to play every game to know what winning feels like. 

Cheers!

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Deadlines and creativity can feel like extremes! I constantly struggle with keeping them balanced.

On one hand, deadlines help. They help me to plan and write, giving me that push to get things done. But deadlines can also bring kind of pressure. Sometimes, I just have to rush things. To finish writing whatever I am doing without proper editing or refinement. I experience both feelings, but yesterday was particularly challenging.

After a hectic day, I had to research, write, and publish an article – all with the looming pressure of my 30-day challenge. By the time I hit publish, it was almost midnight! 11.58 PM ! I wasn’t satisfied either.

Writing involves more than just putting words on paper. You need to gather information, create an outline, and ensure the content is original, engaging, and free of plagiarism.

As a one-woman team, I handle everything. I manage my WordPress site, design the interface (bear with me, I’m no professional UI/UX designer!), create featured images, write alt text, and make sure my content is crawled and indexed.

One reader even asked who designs everything! It’s all Canva for now, though I’d love to learn Procreate someday.

There are times when I feel deadlines hinders creativity. But in today’s world of short attention spans and information overload, deadlines are pushing us to go the extra mile.

Honestly, I don’t know where this journey will take me, but I truly enjoy the process. It is helping me stay focused. Don’t forget to check out another post (Ephemeral) I wrote today while traveling yesterday. Check it out! I haven’t sent it in the newsletter yet since I send one per day. One newsletter a day keeps the pressure away!.

How you do manage?

Cheers!

Thank you for reading ♡!

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