“Be yourself” is easy to say. Easy to post. But when it’s time to actually live it. It gets messy.
Most of us aren’t lying outright. We’re just silently agreeing, avoiding discomfort, trying not to disrupt the flow. That’s where the Abilene Paradox sneaks in—where a group agrees to something no one really wants, just because everyone assumes the others do.
We nod when we should pause. Say yes when we mean no. Call it maturity, but really, it’s fear of friction.
It takes real courage to say, “This doesn’t work for me.” Even more to hold that line when others are disappointed. And when someone else sets a boundary with us? That stings too. Facing rejection without reacting, clinging, or spiraling. that’s also part of the work (Hell).
This is the tension between authenticity and attachment. Choosing what’s real over what’s expected. Short-term discomfort over long-term resentment. Being yourself isn’t soft. It’s a hard, conscious choice. It may cost connection, ease, or approval but it protects your peace, identity, and clarity. And when we don’t make that choice, we end up on the ride to Abilene. Again.
So, What is the Authentic Self?
The authentic self is simply the version of us where there’s no internal resistance. Where we make choices we don’t have to justify, defend, or regret.
But let’s be clear here! Authenticity isn’t a free pass to behave recklessly. Can we punch someone and call it “just being real”? Can we stay rigid, hurt others, and excuse it with “this is just how I am”? Hell no.
It is not self-indulgence. It’s the balance of not losing ourselves and not dismissing others. It’s choosing our truth without wounding the truth of those around us.
It’s not about doing what we want in the moment. It’s about doing what doesn’t fracture us inside or them
No hype. No performance. Just clarity, with conscience.
Cheers!
PS: Authenticity is a privilege, not always a choice for many!
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